We all have fears. The question is how do we go beyond these fears? How do we remain functional in the face of anxiety? We have two options: fight or flight. Some of us face our fears through systematic desensitization: approaching despite our anxiety. This, over time, reduces our fears. The people who fly are seldom proud of that fact (who wants to be a runner?), so they rationalize their actions by making somewhat-logical excuses, which we call Limiting Beliefs.
There are a few common Limiting Beliefs that we need to overcome:
Girls are mean and will reject me outright.
I know this may come as a shock, but people are pretty nice. There have been 3 times in my life when I have been rejected outright. The first was in England at 10 years old; I picked flowers, brought them to school, and, during break, I asked Helena to be my girlfriend. She smiled, talked it over with her friends, and kindly rejected me. The second was my first Cold Approach; she was about 4 years older than I, a Hired-Gun, on her 5 minute break, and had a boyfriend. I haven’t lost sleep over her. The third was the same day as the second. I approached, started my opener, and got about halfway through, when BAM—her mom came out of nowhere and shut me down.
Oh well! As my mom always says, “That’s life, then you die.” Make the best of it, regardless of failure.
I’ll fail.
Okay. Maybe that’s true. Might as well go all out, then. I mean, heaven forbid you step outside your comfort zone! Listen, failing is the best thing that will ever happen to you. I’ve gone out many times for the soul purpose of failing. I do it often and on a large scale. I fail in almost every category of life, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. When you fail, you learn.
I’m ugly—girls do not like ugly guys.
100,000 years ago, would a woman care if you were ugly? Or would she care if you could protect and provide for her and her children? I don’t think there should be anyone debating this question. “Hot” describes Florida in summer. “Cute” is for puppies. “Handsome” is for receiving Oscars. In fact, not being the best looking guy around may improve your game, and here’s why—first, you will come across as less intimidating; no one expects a normal-looking guy to be super well socialized. Second, you will never be conditioned to rely on the crutch of physical appeal, which can kill your game better than anything else.
Attractive girls do not go for guys like me, regardless of game.
How would you know unless you try? Also, attractive girls are no different than other girls. The point is, girls often don’t know that they’re attractive. It’s actually a shame, too. Most girls have their self-esteems crushed in early puberty. I honestly wish more girls knew how strong and beautiful they are; moreover, if you view yourself as a worthy male, then any girl will be lucky to have you, and you can make her feel as special as she truly is.
Girls love money, and I have none.
Absolutely false. While having money may make dates and transportation easier, it is not needed. When I went out and approached thousands of girls and went on my fair share of dates, I had very little money; in fact—I had $9 in my wallet at the time this was originally written. (Since then, hard work and dedication to the struggle have increased my bank account greatly, but it’s yielded no apparent benefits in my love life.) Also, buying things for women, generally speaking, lowers your value, so be glad you don’t have money to spend. Now, when I say that, I mean that you don’t want to become a debit card for anyone; buy only those items which result in shared benefit: some dinners, some event tickets, some ice cream, some hot cocoa, something special.
Now, this is obviously not the entire list of Limiting Beliefs, just a few of the more prominent ones. Everyone has different Limiting Beliefs they need to conquer—let’s conquer yours.
Step 1. Identify your personal Limiting Beliefs: Each time you are about to approach a woman but choose not to, write down the thought that rushed through your head just before you stopped. It may take many failed approaches before you can figure out what you’re actually thinking. Do this more than ten times, then go back and look for a theme in the thoughts—do you think about how you look? How she looks? The people she’s with? Figure out what your specific Limiting Beliefs are, that way you can systematically break them down.
Step 2. Find an example of the opposite: If you think that attractive girls do not like poor guys, go find a poor guy with an attractive girlfriend. If you think that you’ll just get rejected, go out and say “hi” to someone, chances are, they won’t just tell you off. Find something that disputes your Limiting Belief and think about it often. After a while, you should be able to detach yourself from your Limiting Belief.
Step 3. Try approaching anyway: Go out and give yourself proof contrary to your Limiting Beliefs; go out and face your fears—they should be reduced by now anyway. Try your best not to fall back into your Limiting Beliefs the first time you get shot down (or even the one-thousandth).
The fact of the matter is: you’re awesome, and any girl would be lucky to be with you. It’s up to you to show them that fact.