Here’s a riddle: what includes your attitude, your reputation, your Friday nights, your style, your contact list, your number of unread messages, your room style, your clothing style, your bed-time, and how you spent your summer? The answer starts with “L” and ends in “ifestyle.” (Sad excuse for a riddle, I know.)

Lifestyle is both a cause and product of your choices and growth in social exploration; to have a good one is our ultimate goal. Before you can achieve any desired lifestyle, you need to define it completely.

First, I want you to write down all your major fears. Do you fear having no friends, never getting your first kiss, never having a girlfriend, or not being known? Get detailed. Get familiar with what scares you.

Next, place all of them on a scale from 1 to 10, with 10 being the end of the universe. The end of everything.

Notice how none of them are above a 1. (If you have placed any of your personal fears above a 1 on this scale, stop reading and go get some perspective on life. None of us are that important.)

Plus, if something bad does happen, you can always say to yourself: That’s life, then you die.

Second, you need to write down your dreams; make them as unrealistic as possible. After all, realistic goals are uninspiring and require little effort, causing us to lose interest and move on from them. Unrealistic goals, however, demand an unmatched level of effort and attention, forcing us to reach them. Get close with your goals; keep them in mind constantly—they will be the fuel for your fire.

Note—You may increase your chances of success by taping a sheet of paper with your dreams on it to your mirror or refrigerator (anywhere you will regularly see it); this will insure that you stay on the right track, helping you build your ideal lifestyle.

Over time, as you grow socially, if you constantly work towards your desired lifestyle, you will reach it. In fact, it won’t take long; with great effort, you can live your dreams within a couple weeks.